


a fall from grace

by Handmethatbing



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Friendship, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Podium Family, but he moves on, more like Yuri's puppy crush on Yuuri, that messes with his head more than needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handmethatbing/pseuds/Handmethatbing
Summary: When puberty hits Yuri Plisetsky, he struggles. He falls. And learns the hard way that not everything is about winning.





	a fall from grace

When he falls the third time, he knows for sure. His golden span is over. It's over before he could help it and his bodily changes have begun.

 

Not that anyone blames him for it. Yakov, with that permanent nasty scowl, understands. Yakov has probably seen scores of skaters coming to spotlight, changing and withering away. Yakov, as much as he hates to admit, knows that not everyone can stay rooted at one place - stay rooted at the top - like _Vitya_. Yakov tells him _Yura_  can be just like _Vitya._  

 

Perhaps it's his own damn fault. He probably invited the comparisons with his limber figure and shoulder-length blond hair. He's the one who skated on Agápe, forwarding an androgynous teen image into the media, at least when on ice. It's nothing new, Yakov's _Vitya_ has done it ten years back and he's just filling the shoes. 

 

Of course no one can be _Vitya,_ because _Vitya_ was perfection. _Vitya_  perhaps glided through the phase like he did on the ice, then quad-flipped into adulthood as the reigning world champion, with the patented wink and silver fringes. _Vitya_ perhaps never had to deal with lanky limbs, monkey hands, scruffy chin and sudden spurts of rage. 

 

When he braces up for the third attempt, he knows he has to be better than _Vitya_. Or at least, be like him. Or die trying.

 

He fails.

 

He thinks he catches a subtle sigh - _no, don't sigh, I'm strong, I'm trying, I'm the best out here_ \- from Yakov. Yakov has already addressed it last time he called him at his place for lunch. Yakov asked him to take it easy. _There's no such thing as easy_ , he had barked then. Underneath that scowl, Yakov might have looked proud, he doesn't remember too well. But now, Yakov is sighing. Yakov thinks he's being a pissy brat again. Maybe. And now Yakov's turned - _no, don't look away, look at me I can do it, I'm your best student dammit! -_ and correcting Mila's free leg.

 

"Yurio! You alright?"

 

There it is, the stupid nickname, and there he is, the stupid guy. Yuri finds a water bottle held up to him. He gets back to his feet and shrugs, thankful for the lack of Katsudon's glasses. He doesn't know how blind Katsudon is, but he can assure Katsudon couldn't have caught his eyes glistening. It was a question for his grazed knee, not the tight clenching of insides that made him want to curl up on the floor and cry.

 

"Fuck off," he says, and regrets immediately, so much so he looks around to see if Victor overheard them. Victor would've smiled that terrifyingly snarky smile, and casually roasted him for days to come until Victor's presence became akin to an annoying boil on the ass. 

 

Still, at least he elicits a reaction from Victor. Yuuri Katsuki, on the other hand... well, this time Yuuri Katsuki just gives him a moment of puzzlement and takes off to the other side of the rink. None of the swearing affects Yuuri Katsuki. Yuuri Katsuki is content in his happy bubble. Nothing he says, or does, affects Yuuri Katsuki. Yuuri Katsuki probably doesn't care.

 

In spite of the gratuitous fact that Katsudon happens to get the brunt of his anger most of the time. The way Katsudon whimsically alters his decisions to retire and not-retire, he wonders if Katsudon even considers their rivalry seriously. He probably doesn't. He would've if he hadn't been starry-eyed, dazed and head over heels in love with his _Viten'ka._ He's more focused, more confident, more than eager to compete with his _Viten'ka._  Another standard Yuri can't match. Not that he wants to.

 

Yuri would believe it's finally time that he relates with Yuuri Katsuki, that he finally understands how pointless and helpless it feels struggling against your own body (in Katsuki's case it's the demons in his head), but it's like suddenly Yuuri Katsuki has jumped a mile ahead and Yuri's stepped three steps back. God damn that pig with his natural musicality and step sequences, and now with the jumps. God damn that Yuri can read his stupid body language and just knows that Katsudon's planning for something in his head. Something mighty, maybe a quad axel. 

 

No wonder Katsudon looks at him with that stupid nice pitiful smile. Katsudon thinks Yuri is just a sad little child. And he's not even a child anymore. He doesn't know what he is, stuck in some distorted cloud that threatens to wreck his senior career.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Don't worry too much_**  Otabek texts him all the way from Almaty when Yuri asks him when these changes are going to stop screwing with him, **_It affects the female skaters way more and when you're through you'll have stronger muscles and better stamina so it's not all bad really :)_**

 

**_I'm not worrying._** He texts back, tries to be curt and wants to never raise the subject again. Otabek supports him, but he needs to make sure the line never crosses and transgresses into pity. Sometimes he has to wonder what's _with_  Otabek helping him so much. Or why Yuri catches him off guard staring at him. Does Otabek not find it embarrassing, because whenever he'd stared spellbound at Yuuri Katsuki skating he'd make sure to heap it with a lot of curses so that no one ever makes the connection. 

 

Of course, Yuri has limited himself from staring-at-Yuuri-Katsuki-pick-his-chopsticks or watching-Yuuri-Katsuki-drunkenly-climb-on-the-counter-and-perform- _Single-Ladies_  to loudly-picking-apart-Katsudon's-skating-on-his-sloppier-training-days. He always knew nothing's ever going to come out of this and he didn't want to become a nuisance to Victor and Katsudon's relationship, if he isn't already. More so, he thinks it was closer to admiration than a _crush;_ he'd rather watch him than watch himself with him... 

 

...Otabek on the other hand, Otabek he can get on board with, maybe. It's just that his feelings get muddled into a confusing concoction when there's a _real_ scope of mutual attraction and it getting somewhere. And it's not like he's gonna land up with a gross, clingy, sweet relationship like Yuuri and Victor at first go, his dates would end up like Mila's - either in police lock-ups or in the neighbour's porch banging on the door, wasted. He doesn't want that with Otabek; if he loses Otabek too, there'll be no one to listen him bitch about everything.

 

His phone pings again.

 

**_Mila Babicheva is your rinkmate, isn't she? She might be able to help you better than I can_ **

 

That does take him a couple of years back - when Mila encountered a major slump. She fell four spots down the rankings, failed to qualify for the GPF. Back then, the thirteen-year-old him had thought she was just being lazy.

 

No, no. He can't afford _that_ to happen to him, no matter what. He can't afford to fall. Skating is his entire existence. People give a fuck because he's the best. If he stops being the best, people will stop caring. Yakov would turn away to correct someone else's free leg, Victor won't take him seriously, Katsudon won't - well, Katsudon will still offer him the water bottle. But no, _no._  He won't be known to the world as the boy who started his career with a bang and then fizzled out into oblivion.

 

* * *

 

 

He doesn't medal at the European Championships. 

 

Victor takes gold, of course. Chris gets silver, and despite the predictions Michele Crispino manages to shoot past him for the bronze. The worst part is, his body didn't play a huge role in the defeat, apart from the dull extensions. He kept anticipating a fall, choked, and couldn't recover.

 

This is it. This is it. Being stripped naked and roasted on a spit might probably feel better. _Michele Crispino_. He hadn't even considered him a threat.

 

**_Yuri_**  Victor texts him while he holes up in his hotel room **_Where are you? Yakov's asking for you. :O_**

 

He ignores it. Of course, Yakov is. That deluded old man still wants to look for his sponsors, still has hopes on him. Why though? Didn't his _Vitya_ just make the spectacular comeback he was wishing for? Shouldn't he celebrate his star student's last season?

 

**_Yuri_**  his phone never gives him a rest, neither does the balding geezer, **_have you arrived at the banquet at all?_**

 

No reason he should. It's all too hard - to make his legs slog on, to open his suitcase and put on a tuxedo. He doesn't even have friends out there. He wishes he could drink because, _hey,_  drinking helps people forget, doesn't it? That's what he's seen adults do.

 

**_Yurio! where are you?_ **

 

One glance at the phone, and the dam breaks. His vision swims and he pushes an angry glob down his throat, trying to focus on what looks like a series of texts hurtling past each other.

 

**_Victor left the banquet. We're heading to a restaurant._ **

 

**_Wanna come along?_ **

 

**_Dinner's on us!_ **

 

**_Hey, I know you're not okay, but it gets better._ **

 

**_There's a dog parlourrr_ **

 

**_Wait, sorry. You don't like dogs. My bad. :P_ **

 

**_Are you coming?_ **

 

**_??Yurio??_ **

 

On one hand, he wants to go. He wants to take in the fresh air and burn this experience out of his memory forever. He knows Katsudon and Victor won't tease him about this, in fact, Katsudon has failed way too many times to mock anyone else, really. Not that he ever does. Katsudon came literally as a cheering troupe for the Russian team; Yuri won't be surprised if Katsudon's forbidden to enter Japan again thanks to his fluctuating loyalties. _Hah._

 

On the other hand, he doesn't want to see them. Or anyone. He's already shoved Katsudon aside once at the kiss and cry after he saw the score and wanted to hide his face from the world forever. Right now, he doesn't want them to rub their gold medal and their perfect little life on his face. He could call Otabek instead, but it's past 2:00 a.m at Almaty. Maybe he should just go to sleep.

 

**_Stop annoying me, pig._** He texts back, needlessly rude. He'll explain later, when they're back training at St. Petersburg, he'll tell him about his fear of losing again, and about the hounding insecurities regarding his body. Katsudon sure will relate. He's been stuttering in the season as well. Inconsistent and nervous. Not even a single international gold medal. Yet.

 

Two weeks later the Russian rink rings with a collective gasp when Yuuri Katsuki lands a quad axel. Standing at the door, Yuri has little doubt about _who_ is going to take the Four Continents by storm.

 

Yuuri Katsuki doesn't relate with failures _anymore._ When all eyes are on him, Yuri quietly walks out, fists clenched in his pockets, blinking back his tears. No one must’ve seen him leave; the spotlight is fleeting, temporary, and frankly, no one really cares about a sixteen-year-old _one-trick wonder._

 

**Author's Note:**

> One more chapter and resolution.


End file.
